Beautiful Humans

Home, inspiration, quotes

Yesterday marked a bittersweet milestone for me.

My twin boys, Hunter and Gabe, graduated from High School.

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I now have three MEN for children. Scott -22, and Hunter and Gabe -18. As I watched them walk across the field as their names were called, my mind flooded with pride AND fear. They made it! YESSSSS. They still need to make it…FEAR. This is a big bad world. No matter how well we try to set the example, lead the family, teach them right from wrong, we as parents often hit many bumps in the road. Love may move mountains but it doesn’t always help your child climb one. I can’t help but think back over the last eighteen years and set up a camp on my failures as a parent. Have we done things right? Of course. Have we made mistakes? More than I can count. Why isn’t there a handbook for this?!

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Transparency time – As I tried to fall asleep last night, overwhelming fear just kept consuming my thoughts. Have I failed my children? Are they ready for the big bad world? Do they have the skills to do what is expected of them as men? Have we set a proper example? Are they walking living examples of dysfunction? Are you with me parents? I know I am not alone in thinking silly things like this? We have one job that is more important than all others…raising kids who become great adults.

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My four oldest children have been through a lot. Divorce of their parents, a move across the country, financial struggle, depression, anger, resentment and insecurity. Way more than any children should have to endure. As a parent, my heart aches for them. It’s easy to focus on the negatives and the things we could have done better. But, in my search for improvement and self love, I have become determined to find the positives. THERE ARE SO MANY. So, today, I honor my amazing children. I am the most blessed Mom on the planet. God trusted me with these incredible humans. It’s humbling and I am honored. They give me more than I could ever give them. Here is a glimpse in to the delightful souls that I am blessed to mother.

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They are love. They are my heart and soul. I feel them in every heart beat.

While the mistakes are many, we have had many wins.

Five beautiful children.


Scott, my oldest…

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He has dimples for days, a huge heart, is brilliant and beautiful. He is so passionate. He is a fighter and never backs down. He has my temper (working on that) and my tenacity. He may struggle at times and make some poor decisions (WHO DOESN’T?) but the fact remains that he is honestly one of the most amazing creatures that God has ever created. I had him when I was a baby. I was a child raising a child. I found out I was pregnant at 18 years old. I didn’t know how to take care of myself. How would I take care of a child? I made most of my mistakes with Scott, but I also grew so much. He taught me what it was like to always put someone before myself. He taught me endless patience. He taught me unconditional love. He saved me from a life I was not meant to live. He pulled me from the darkness and gave me direction. He is my oldest and owns such a special place in my heart that can’t be replaced with anyone else.

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Hunter…

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This is my wild child. He has a mind of his own. He has his own swag, he is crazy popular with his friends, quick witted, funny and cantankerous.  We butt heads often. His humor has made me laugh so much in life, he is the reason for so many smiles. I have complete faith that Hunter will be some body  big some day. He will make his way. He creates a following no matter where he goes. Hunter stands up to me the most, takes the most chances and honestly gives me the most grey hairs hahaha. But, at the same time, his tenacity, his push to always prove he is right, his fearlessness and his quick wit are something I love endlessly. I want a child who is strong willed, determined and driven. My hope is that all of those attributes are used for positioning himself in the best place in life. He has always been the leader of the pack. As the oldest twin, he was the first to walk, the first to talk, the first to break a bone, the first to have a girlfriend, the first to get grounded, the first to drive, the first to get a ticket, the first at everything. He is always in a hurry! Hahaa…slow down my beautiful son. Hunter makes me nervous. His energy, his constant thrill seeking, adrenaline searching, crazy kid ways are hard for a Mom to keep up with. He is so adored by me. Words can’t express how much I want the clock to stop.

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Gabriel…

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That is him on the left. The elusive one. My sweet Gabe. He doesn’t let me take many pictures. He is so handsome but doesn’t know it. He is a precious soul. He is my teddy bear. He has a heart the size of Texas. He is a saver, not a spender. He allows other peoples worries to become his own. He sometimes takes on way too many stresses. He loves to make noise and drive his siblings crazy by constantly beat boxing or drumming on things. He has life mapped out and sometimes forgets to just be a kid. Gabe is an old soul. His feelings are hurt easily because he loves so big. He may fight constantly with Hunter, but he also couldn’t live without him.  He is the ying to Hunter’s yang. It constantly amazes me how identical twins can be so different. Both are amazing but so polar opposite. He is a Mama’s boy and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Gabe is the heartbeat of my boys.

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Hannah – my only girl…

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Oh, my darling Hannah. This little one…she is my mini me. You know when your parents tell you that one day, you will have a child just like you and you will then understand where they were coming from. BOOM, here she is. The adoration I have for this child is unbelievable. She is a light in every single moment of my day. She has a smile that can melt you. She is the smartest girl I have ever met. She is STRONG. So so strong. She has scared me to death, caused many sleepless nights and pushed me to the edge, only to turn around and completely shock me and show me just how amazingly strong she is. I adore this child. I adore every dimple, her beautiful smile, her soulful eyes, her funny nature, her crazy selfies she leaves on my phone, her stubbornness, her grit, her passion for life and her strong will. She will be the most amazing adult. I have so much pride when I think of Hannah and who she is becoming. I can not take credit for any of it. She truly is the most amazing soul and continues to surprise everyone in her life. She is my only girl. That is special. Four boys, one girl. I know the other kids get jealous of our relationship, but, I can’t help it! I need girl power! Besides my husband, Hannah is my best friend. God knew I needed her more than she needs me. My precious precious baby girl and my heart.

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Finally, Maddox…

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This little light of mine…

Maddox is my late in life baby. After Matt and I got married, we decided after a lot of soul searching, that we wanted a child together. Maddox has been the tie that binds the family. He has brought all the siblings together, connected them to Matt permanently and has held a major role is “normalizing” the family. It’s amazing how sloppy we can get as kids get older and traditions waver. Bring a young baby into the family and all of a sudden, family dinners, Church on Sunday, birthday parties, family photos and new memories all come in to focus once again.

Maddox is endlessly smiling. He can light up a room with that smile. He is so funny. His personality is simply amazing. He is SO STUBBORN. God created a clone of Matt when he designed Maddox. He has the strongest will of any child I have ever known. He is so intelligent. Wise beyond his years. He is STRONG. He loves with everything he has. He is constantly curious, inquisitive, argumentative, excruciatingly stubborn and completely independent.  He has more energy that all four of the other kids put together. Maddox thinks his siblings are the best toys God ever created and adores them with every cell in his body. Maddox is the sunshine of our family.

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On that note, I will leave with this…

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I promise to do my best as your Mom. I promise that I will make many more mistakes, unintentionally. I promise, we will have many wins as well. I promise that I don’t mean to mess up. There is no guide book. My heart is the only path I can can follow. I promise to love you forever and unconditionally. I promise to always be your shelter in the storm. I promise to support you. I promise to guide you and most of all, I promise I am proud of you each more than you ever will know.

– Mama

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